Convictions
by ScuzMoll
Summary: Sara's feelings after telling Catherine she couldn't get a conviction. Spoilers for Lady Heather's Box. N/S pairing.


Title: Convictions  
  
Author: Sez  
  
Pairing: N/S  
  
Spoilers: Lady Heather's Box  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from CSI. Somebody else does.  
  
AN: Post-ep fic. My thoughts on Sara's feelings. Assumes N/S relationship. Maybe not quite what the person wanted when they asked for some fic to get over the latest ep, but we are a few weeks behind and this is what my muse came up with when I was trying to sleep last night. Please read and review. Thanks.  
  
**~~**~~**  
  
Nick opened the door with his key and walked into the darkened room.  
  
"Sweetie?" He called. "You home?" Silence answered him. "Sara? Are you ok?" He started to look through the house. It was a very rare occasion that I wasn't at the door to greet him when he came by. We have been seeing each other for a few months. Things are progressing nicely; Nick stops by my place after work or I go to his place, and we usually do something, or just hang out, making dinner together and just enjoying each other's company.  
  
We usually alternate whose place we stayed at. It was kinda silly I realised, sitting in the dark on the floor of the lounge. We should really move in together. There is hardly a night, or should I say day, go by that we arn't with the other. It would be cheaper, I rationalised. Ever the practical one, that's me no-nonsense, responsible, dependable Sara. But the one time some one really was depending on me to do my job right and I couldn't do it. I couldn't get more than possession for sale and child abandonment. And I completely understand Catherine being angry with me. I can't give her the justice she deserves. She was depending on me to put Eddie's murderer behind bars, to give her some closure. I tried my best. I really did. And it doesn't matter that I think Eddie's a scumbag who deserved to die. That's not the point. The point is Catherine at one stage loved that man, and he was killed and I couldn't get enough evidence to arrest his killer. It was the look on her face as I told her the news that hurt more than anything. That had cast the first seeds of doubt in my mind. That maybe I hadn't done my best. That maybe I had cut corners just to shut the case up. That, maybe, just maybe I hadn't treated this like any other case and had just taken the easiest option available to get it out of the way. Catherine's expression when I broke the news had clearly said, 'This was your BEST effort? How pathetic.'  
  
Nick sat down next to me on the hardwood floor of the lounge and draped his arm around my shoulders.  
  
"Penny for you thoughts?" He asked quietly. I sat silent for a moment before speaking up.  
  
"I couldn't do it."  
  
"Huh? Couldn't do what?" He took one of my hands in his and rubbed his thumb across the back of it.  
  
"I couldn't get a conviction. I had to tell Catherine that the person who murdered the father of her child was going to get off on either possession for sale or child abandonment."  
  
"You did your best Sara. There was nothing else you could have done." Nick put his other arm around me and held me close. Normally I loved the feeling of his arms around me, the feeling of safety and warmth I got from that simple touch. But tonight I felt cold all over, and no amount of comfort from Nick was going to help.  
  
"Yes there was. I could have identified the killer. I could have searched for a murder weapon, I don't know, something!"  
  
"Sara, you did everything in your power to get the killer. You just lucked out on the evidence that would be conclusive enough to put someone behind bars. No one can fault you for that."  
  
"You should have seen the look on her face Nick. When I told her that they would only be charged with child abandonment and possession for sale. I didn't need her to tell me what she was thinking. It was all there on her face Nick. She hates me. She thinks I'm useless and that I didn't work hard enough to get a conviction." "I'm sure she doesn't think that Sara. It's been a rough couple of days for everyone. In a few days she'll be back and she'll probably apologise or something. She's probably feeling as bad as you are right now." Nick kissed the side of my head when he finished.  
  
"She said to me, after I told her, she said, 'What a great bedtime story to tell my little girl'. God Nick! She sounded so, so condescending. Like I was the lowest life form imaginable!" A single tear slipped down my cheek. Nick reached a hand up and tenderly brushed it away.  
  
"I don't know if I can face her at work. I'm thinking of asking Grissom to assign us separate cases, at least for a little while."  
  
"I think that's a good idea. But I think you're underestimating Catherine, Sara. I know she thinks a great deal of you and your abilities as a CSI."  
  
"I don't know about that" I whispered.  
  
"Well I do. Come on, I think we could all do with some sleep." He stood up and helped pull me to my feet. We started walking slowly to my bedroom, his arms still around me.  
  
"Stop beating yourself up over this Sara. You did your best. Catherine knows that, I know that, even Grissom knows that. In a few days things will have settled down and everything will be fine. Trust me." I had to smile at his ever-present optimism. And I had to admit I was starting to feel warmer.  
  
"Thanks Nick. You sure know how to make a girl feel better." He turned me in his arms and we kissed, long and slow. A passionate kiss full of love and hope. And I knew in that moment that I loved this man more than anything in the world and I would never want to be without him by my side.  
  
"Nick. Make love to me." I asked as we kissed again.  
  
"Always and forever Sara." He replied "Always and forever."  
  
The end.  
  
Read and review please! :) 


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